


Red Lipgloss

by stardustkid



Category: Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: Gay, Homosexual slurs, M/M, Makeup, Strangerthings, stranger things, very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24463321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustkid/pseuds/stardustkid
Summary: Steve Harrington is battling with his inner self. With what? To decide if he should wear makeup or not. He’s always had a fascination with the tinted liquid you could spread across your lips. Always had a fascination for the creamy blushes and eyeshadows. Along his way to accept himself, Billy is smack dab on the middle of his path.
Relationships: Billy/Steve
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fan fiction so please don’t be too hard on me!

He was small. Almost six. He wrestled with his vest that his mother had forced over his head. The collar around his neck felt too tight, too itchy. He couldn’t understand why they always went to church on Sunday, why they couldn’t go any other day. The tiny hands tried tugging away the collar that was way too tight around his too small neck. Out of breath and a bead of sweat running down his neck, he walked to his parents room. He was never allowed when dad was in there, but he could hear the coffee brewing downstairs. His head poked around the edge of the doorframe and watched his mom powder her face. Mrs.Harrington looked like she belong on the cover of a magazine. She looked at him from the corner of her eye as she put on mascara, “Come here honey” her smile was sickening sweet. He wobbled over to her lap, and was pulled up. Suddenly his neck didn’t feel too itchy or too tight. He looked into the mirror, he watched as the rose colored powder was set on to her cheeks. He liked the way she looked, he thought his mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. His eyes followed her slender hand that grabbed a thin cylinder tube. He expected the tip to be the brown colored chalk that always came out when twisted, but instead it was a felt tip that had red liquid on it.  
“Momma, what’s that?” He asked in amazement as she spread the liquid across her lips, it was shiny. It was pretty.  
“It’s called lipgloss, I thought I would try it but... your father probably wouldn’t like it. What a waste, it’s so pretty.” She got up and set him down, throwing the lipgloss into the small trash can beside her vanity. As her back was turned looking for something in particular, Steve looked down into the trash. He looked at the tube, he looked at the label. He liked the way it shone on his mother’s lips, liked the color, liked how it was a little sparkly. Without giving a second thought, he snatched the tube up and ran to his room. He excitedly opened it up and admired it. There was a mirror in his bathroom, and he stepped on the little stool given to him to reach the sink. He tried to do it like his mom did. Brows furrowed slightly , hand steady, and he carefully traced it on his bottom lip, then the top. When he was done, he looked at himself and something bubbled in his chest. He felt, like a princess. Excitement overwhelmed him, his parents would be so proud, would see how pretty he was.  
He jumped off the stool, racing as fast as he could without tripping down the stairs with the lipgloss tube in his hand.  
“Momma!! Dad!!” He yelled triumphantly as he reached the bottom of the stairs.  
His dad peered over the newspaper he was reading and his mom turned from the bacon that was cooking. She let out a gasp, then put her hand over her mouth. His dad was wide eyed.  
“Am I pretty?” He smiled, not knowing why his parents were looking at him like that. His mother slowly looked towards his father who was standing up now, a vein popping from his head. “No, don’t” She said getting in front of Steve, but his father still grabbed him by the wrist, “Boys aren’t PRETTY Steve. Boys DONT wear makeup. Boys aren’t SUPPOSE to act like this!” He felt something hot running down his face as the lipgloss was snatched from his hand. “John stop, he’s just a child he doesn’t know any better!”  
“Well now he does. I don’t want to see anything like that again on you. You hear me!? Never again. Or else.” He felt the hiccups as he cried, and his mother wrapped him up in her arms. “Your father is just confused, he’s not mad just confused.” She whispered in his ear as he nodded and sniffled. Her cold hands wiped the tears away. The bacon ended up burnt. His mother put the blackest one on his fathers plate. They still ended up going to church. And that collar was still too itchy, and still too tight for Steve’s too small neck. 

He was ten, about to turn eleven. On the playground Tommy and Carol asked what Steve wanted for his birthday. Something resurfaced in his memory, from when he was five, almost six. Sheepishly he looked at the ground, observing his tennis shoes.  
Tommy peered into his face, “What’s wrong dude? You can always tell us, we won’t make fun of you.” Carol perked up, “Yeah were like your best friends!” Steve hesitated, now picking at the dirt under his fingernails.  
“Well I was hoping..” they both waited for him to answer, bug eyed and leaned forward to hear, “I was hoping to get some lipgloss, but dad doesn’t like it and.. it’s just, I don’t know. I feel, I feel nice in it.” Tommy’s mouth was open, and Carol had her eyebrow quirked. Heat started filling his cheeks and ears. “Well...we could always secretly give it to you.” Steve looked up at Tommy who seemed to be slightly smiling as he spoke. Carol nodded her head, “Yeah! What color do you like?” Steve felt a small smile, “I like red and pink.”  
The next few days his parents were setting up the birthday party, preparing the invitations. Steve wondered if his friends really would get him lipgloss. He wondered if they told anyone. Wondered if they thought he was weird. His stomach was in a knot as his mother knocked on his door. She opened it and peered inside with a soft smile, “Happy birthday honey. You should get dressed before everyone comes.” He nodded, getting up from his bed and putting on his clothes. It was the same every year, his birthday presents were action figures, sometimes cars, sometimes dinosaurs. Maybe even socks, which was mostly from his aunt. But he could feel it in his chest that he would get something new, something different. Everyone arrived and he played, laughing and tagging each other until their legs were too tired. Until the cake was ready to be served. It was chocolate with buttercream, his mom was good at baking, especially cakes. Tommy approached him as one of the kids were leaving a bit early,  
“Come upstairs!” He said as quietly as possible, Steve felt his heart about to burst. They raced upstairs, and jumped on to his bed. Carol was already in there sitting on top of one of his dressers, casually swinging her legs back and forth. Tommy peaked out then shut the door. Carol looked at Tommy, they both had smiles. Each of them took out a small rectangular box. One was black with a red ribbon on it while the other had pink sparkles. They watched Steve as he opened it. “Oh my god, they’re so pretty! Thank you!” His eyes got glossy but he felt his face hurt from smiling so much. Someone could tell him the world was ending and he’d still be the happiest kid on earth. It shouldn’t have been a big deal to most, especially for girls, but this was the best gift he’d ever gotten. He wrapped them up in a tight hug. “Yeah we know, we’re like, the greatest friends ever.” Tommy said with a glint in his eyes. “I can’t wait to put them on!” Steve said in excitement as he admired the shiny gifts. “Why don’t you put it on right now?” Carol asked, before they heard footsteps coming upstairs. Steve tossed the tubes to Tommy, who chucked them under his pillow. Carol hissed, “The boxes!” The door was cracking open, and she swooped the discarded boxes under Steve’s bed with her foot. His dad stood in the doorway, “Come say..goodbye to your auntie.” The children had awkward smiles, “Yeah of course dad, be there in a sec!” His dad squinted looking at them with suspicion, then slowly closed the door. They looked at each other then broke into relieved laughter. When the party was over and his friends left, his favorite presents were tucked under his pillow, hidden away from his dads view.  
Night came along and he had to go to bed because “School is tomorrow” his mother said with a pointed finger. But he stayed up, listening. His tiny heart was beating so fast he thought it would explode. Then he heard the television shut off, and heavy feet on the hardwood floor. He pretended to be asleep as his father cracked open his door and poked his head in. His eyes were closed for a couple more minutes when his door was shut. When he heard the click of the bedroom door from the other side of the hall close, he quietly got out of bed, sneaking the lipglosses from under his pillow. He tiptoed to his bathroom and closed the door behind him for extra precaution. The bottom of the red lipgloss that Tommy had given him words written on it, he noticed this and read quietly, “Cherry bomb?” For a moment he was confused, until he realized it was the name of the lipgloss. He felt silly that he never knew makeup had different names, he just thought it was all named makeup. He looked at the pink one and saw that it had a name too. “Pink birthday cake!” His voice came out whispery but shrill, and it was strange to hear nothing but his voice in the silence. He went to put the liquid on his lips but froze when he heard his parents door open. This paralyzed him in place, waiting, and listening. Then he heard the toilet flush and the door click again. He let out a breathe, and looked at himself in the mirror. He spread it across his lips, the red was gleaming. The smell of artificial cherries filled his nose, he didn’t know that makeup could smell good. After leaning back and admiring himself in the mirror, he took it off. The next one was just as pretty, the only difference was that it was pink and it smelled like, well, birthday cake. Finally, his eyelids were drooping, so he took it off and climbed into bed. The lipgloss were treasures tucked away under his pillow.  
The next few weeks he developed a routine. Wake up, and stuff the lipgloss in his bag, go to school, then put it on there. Before getting picked up he would take it off in the school bathroom. He felt pretty, and soon realized that Tommy thought he was pretty too. The freckled boy would look at him from across the room, and toss crumpled up pieces of paper. “You look very beautiful in red.” It would say, and Steve would feel the tips of his ears burn. It was innocent, it was sweet. But he started getting careless, even forget to take his lipgloss off before he was picked up. His parents were too busy talking about what they were going to wear at a party that night to notice him wipe his red lips against his white sleeve. Tommy and Carol came over to his house more often, and Tommy had sleep overs with him more often. On one of their sleepovers they were watching tv as his parents were asleep, they were stuffing their faces with the buttered popcorn. Tommy kept looking at him as Steve kept fidgeting with his hands while staring at the tv screen. His heart stuttered when he felt his hand drag over a little bit, and his fingers being intertwined with Tommy’s. For the first time, he think he understood the big deal with having a crush.  
A few weeks went by and he once again forgot to take off his lipgloss. His mom picked him up this time, which was so odd because he had never seen her drive before. They talked about his day at school and girls. He felt something like pride when his mom gushed about the cute girls that were at his school and how they were perfect for him. He felt pride because he knew he wasn’t interested in girls, he was interested in Tommy. When they entered through the door his laughter caught in his throat. Something worse then nausea overflowed his body. There his dad was, sitting with the two boxes on the table. He could see his mother was confused, he could also remember that he had the damn lipgloss on. “What the fuck are you wearing?” His mother scolded his dad, “No swearing! And what in the world are you talking about?” Steve’s body ran cold as his father stood up, “Look at his damn lips! Did you not even notice?” Mrs. Harrington peered at her sons lips, and she tried playing it off. “It’s just a bit of kool-aid dear, there’s no reason to be so mad about it!”  
“I know you know damn well what he has on. And maybe I would’ve even given him the benefit of the doubt if it weren’t for the fucking lipgloss boxes on the table!” Then he was being dragged upstairs, fear struck him, but when he tried struggling the grip got tighter. His mom had her face in her hands. This was the moment he knew he was going to die, he felt he was going to die. In a blink of an eye he was in the bathroom, he couldn’t even remember where his dad got the washcloth but he could feel it scrubbing against his lips. The force got harder and harder, he shouted in pain of his lips being scrubbed raw. The force was too much. His eyes were swelled and big droplets were streaming down his face. “Stop it!” The scream of his mother rang out, he could feel so much pain that he thought he would faint. “Stop it or I will call the cops!” The washcloth was dropped to the floor and through blurry vision he could see there was blood on it. A hand gripped his collar, “Where’s the lipgloss” it wasn’t a question. It was a demand. “B-book bag” he choked out and was released. His mother rushed over to him, holding him in her arms. His hot tear streamed face was on her cold chest, she rocked him as he let out choked sobs. He remembers the smell of that perfume she wore that day, he remembered how she bought ice cream and ointment for him. He remembered shoving that ice cream in his face and overhearing his parents downstairs. His mother said that if his father ever laid a single finger on him ever again she would leave and take him with her. He remembered that was the last day she actually showed motherly affection to him.  
Steve and Tommy never dated because once they got into high school, they found out what girls could truly be. They were young, and they were hot. And Tommy started noticing Carol a lot more then he ever did. Steve felt lost but was determined to run that school, to find some kind of love that lacked in his life by having sex and getting trashed. He knew there was a list of girls wanting to slit his throat for playing them. He lost himself, and along the way he realized he didn’t have the same friends because they lost themselves too in that mess.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has usage of homophobic slurs, and homophobia. You have been warned.

He could feel the sun spraying its light into fragments on his body. He could feel the warmth holding him. Groaning, he flipped over with a couple of bones cracking in the process. He contemplated not going to school, but knew that if his father found out he would come right home from his “vacation” just to spit in his face. To make the situation more bearable he jumped out of bed and stretched, his joints creaking. Slowly but surely he got ready for the shit hole that was deemed a school. The only good thing there was the kids that he basically babysat all the time. Not to mention to beat the shit out of the demo whatever to keep them safe. That part may be scary but it relieved some pent up anger when he got into a fight with those slobbering flower teeth motherfuckers. He looked in the mirror, and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to fluff it up it a bit.  
Sooner or later he arrived at school and shut the door to his car. A black cloud was over his head when he realized Billy Hargrove was already there. “Earlier then usual.” He thought as he slowly passed by the camaro. The blue eyes caught him easily, and it seemed like the douchebag was just wanting him to look. Even with his brain screaming at him, he couldn’t help but try to sneak a peak. His throat ran dry and it became itchy all of the sudden. Billy was leaning up against the hood, exhaling a breath of smoke. He couldn’t deny it, the guy looked like Apollo in human form. The sun was blaring on the blonde hair, making a false halo around the curls. Apollo was the sun god right? He’d have to check in with his teacher for that.  
“You staring like a girl in love Harrington.” Billy said with a shit eating grin. He scoffed, and kept walking. “Why the fuck would I be in love with a guy like him?” He thought while annoyance gripped him. Billy was a fly to Steve, always in his face and no matter how he swatted it away, the fly was always there. Buzzing and taunting. The day wasn’t actually so bad, in fact there was less snarky comments because everyone was so focused on valentines coming up. “Do you think Billy would give me a chance if I gave something to him?” His ears caught the conversation being held between two girls a little near his locker. Poor girl didn’t even know the heartbreak coming up for her if she did that. Steve knew Billy enough to know that the guy only cared about sex and cigarettes. “Of course girl! You’re like totally pretty, why wouldn’t he want to hit it up with you? I say go for it!” He wanted to turn around and say, “No! Don’t ever do that, don’t even think about it! He’d break your heart just because he can!” But the words fell in his throat, and he pursed his lips. It wasn’t his business to get into anyway.  
The bell rung and he was walking towards his class, and he felt like a big baby when he saw Nancy and Jonathan smiling like some old married couple. He turned his head to keep tears from making their way out. Nancy was this goddess he had for a girlfriend one time, she was the only one he ever had a serious relationship with. People didn’t know it but she was actually so so sweet even though her attitude got in half the conversations when she was talking. He’d get over her. Someway or another he would. He kept reminding himself that everything was going to be okay so his heart would stop aching. Valentine’s Day was a bunch of bullshit.  
The day went by and he ended up in his worst class. Basketball practice . Well actually gym but the boys always played basketball so that’s what they called it. In the locker room he tried to remember any exits to be known without getting caught by the coach. He didn’t lift his head up to check if there was any doors nearby. That was the number one rule, if you lift your head up and was accidentally caught by one of the boys, you were deemed a faggot. And that isn’t what he needed right now. He wondered if he could somehow crawl in the vent and just wait for the whole thing to be over. Too late, plan ruined, the coach was already blowing his whistle. This meant changing time was over and they better get out there before this bald fat ass of an Oompa loompa started getting in one of their faces. He grimaced, sometimes he wanted to say exactly what he thought about his bald head. But he didn’t. Instead he went outside with some comments from Tommy here and there. Also a few shut the fuck ups from Hargrove. Tommy was a dog now, basically followed Billy anywhere. Literally worshiped him, and if Steve didn’t know any better he’d suspect Tommy was sucking Billy off. As usual, practice was full on raging hell. He was already too sweaty and when he felt Billy press up against him he wanted to knock the fucker back. It gave him a weird feeling and he sure as hell didn’t like it.  
When practice was over he felt he’d been through the five stages of hell. His back ached from being slammed into the ground so many times. He took his shirt off, not bothering to take to the showers. He was already changing, and then somehow the echo of the word from the shower room drifted across and landed right in his ears. He hadn’t heard the words in ages. “Yeah her lipgloss literally tasted like watermelon, not even joking dude.” His body went stiff, and he felt his neck to begin to itch. It was if he had a shirt on with a collar way too tight, as if it was tightening around his neck. Unconsciously he started to scratch but stopped himself. He quickly got his things and rushed out of there. His throat still itches.  
At the end of the day it was all he could think about. Lipgloss lipgloss lipgloss. It reminded him of how pretty he felt when he was younger when he put it on. But it also reminded him of the choked out sobbing and blood on the washcloth. No, even if his dad and mom were gone all the time the boys at school would make sure he’d never wear it again. So no, he told himself no.  
His eyes were glued to the ceiling, it was dark. His neck still itches. It was all he could do, just scratch and scratch. He couldn’t fucking take it anymore, it was unbearable. Angrily he stomped to his car and drove to the nearest convience store. He made sure to have his hood up when he got out so no one would see him. There were heart decorations all around him and he wanted to stomp on it. Maybe burn it all. He sighed and continued looking, he couldn’t find the damn things. He knew he looked sketchy as hell just looking around and not buying anything with his hood up. So he went to the cashier lady to convince her he was not a robber by saying, “Hey do you know where any lipgloss is? It’s for my girlfriend.” The lady cashier seemed to change her whole demeanor when he asked that. She grinned and said that there was none there, but if he went to the star court mall he could find it everywhere. She also mentioned where to buy some rosé perfume, his girlfriend would love it she gushed. Apparently it was the cashiers favorite. He smiled as fake as possible and thanked her. It was infinite dread driving towards the mall. So many people could catch him, would see him. They knew he didn’t have a girlfriend, everyone at his school knew. But the itching wouldn’t stop. So he drove and when he got there he slowly walked towards the mall, he thought rationally. No one would be out this late unless they were partying. No one would see him. He went into one of the little makeup stores. Not really knowing what to expect he walked around. All the workers were female he realized, and he felt nauseated. After looking intently at the lipsticks, he felt someone tap his shoulder. He jumped and turned around. It took all of his ability not to scream out, “ITS FOR MY GIRLFRIEND!” Right then and there. It was one of the workers who tapped him with a platinum white smile. “Do you need any help?” The girl said, almost eyeing him as if he didn’t belong there. “Uh yes actually, I’m looking for like a lipgloss for my girlfriend for valentines. She really likes makeup.” He add the last sentence for extra convincing. Her eyes went wide and she got excited, “Oh my gosh yes! Of course we can help with that!” She led him literally everywhere, asking him what she looked like. “Well she’s..brunette and has these big beautiful brown eyes with freckles dashed across her nose.” He said, you know, like a liar. He hoped the girl wouldn’t notice that his “girlfriend” sounded a lot like him except without the freckles. She didn’t seem to notice and before he knew it he was buying a bag full to the brim with makeup. By then all the workers were gushing and honestly, he felt good. Not good, he felt absolutely great. The girls squealed their goodbyes and he waved and grinned, making sure to tell them his appreciation.  
He was practically skipping to his car still with a big smile. When he got in and set the bag in the passenger seat he saw something. A blue camaro across the parking lot. There was only person in town who had that car.


	3. Chapter 3

He practically peeled out onto the road. The heart in his was beating out of control and he kept looking in his rearview mirror to see if anyone was following him. No one was. He exhaled a breathe as he got into the driveway. Maybe Billy didn’t even know he was there. Yeah, he didn’t see the guy so it had to be the answer. He grabbed the bag of makeup forgetting what he was worried about and excitedly rushed to his bedroom. In the bathroom he admired the lipglosses, lipsticks, blushes,and mascara. There was even some eyeshadow the girl picked out for him. He looked in the mirror, then brought out a light coral colored lipstick. He spread it across his lips, it wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Then was the blush, he searched until he found a light cream one that was a bit on the orange side. He put a little on his finger then started applying it gently to his cheeks. He blended it with his fingers and stood a little bit back to see what he looked like. A bubbly feeling rose in his chest. But there was something missing. He looked long and hard with his head tilted. Squinting as if his reflection knew the answer. Then it hit him, how could he forget about the eyeshadow and mascara? He pulled out the small palette of eyeshadow and looked. There was one shimmery light brown color that caught his eye. They each had a name under them and this one was light mocha. He wondered if it smelled like mocha as well and checked if anyone was somehow looking. He then took a sniff and was surprised that the whole palette smelled like artificial chocolate. “Not bad” he said surprised and rubbed some of the color on his finger. After applying it to his eyelids and got out the mascara. His hand started shaking as he tried to put it on, and he was scared he was going to poke his eye out. Slowly he took a deep breath and focused, making an “o” shape with his mouth when applying it to his upper and bottom lashes. Finally he leaned back. He couldn’t deny the feeling of sparks lighting up, he felt so beautiful. A whole new magical light was shared with his reflection, and he touched the mirror to see if it was really him. It was. The urge to run outside and scream for the other people to look at him was extreme. He wanted to show them how pretty he was, how proud he was. He wanted to show that makeup isn’t just for girls, that it could be for guys too! He wanted to show them that no one had to be gripped so hard that a bruise formed, that no one had to be dragged up the stairs, that no one had to have their lips scrubbed until there was blood on a white washcloth. He wanted to show them he could be pretty too. Tears ran down his face along with the mascara. The memory was burned into him, and he couldn’t burn it down. In frustration he threw the makeup all in the bag and shoved it in the very back of his closet. He decided to take a shower, he always turned to the shower when things went wrong. He stood under it for an hour. Even when the water went cold he didn’t even notice. Just kept replaying the scene in his head over and over again. He looked at the white washcloth, then scrubbed the makeup off.


	4. Chapter 4

The makeup hadn’t been touched for almost a week. Steve’s neck had been scratched raw. Someone in his school reported it, thought his parents had been abusing him. The explanation that when he gets stressed he gets itchy to the counselor was “solved” with a bag of ice from the nurse. He threw the ice into a trash can. In basketball practice there were snarky comments of him getting kinky with himself. “Fucking weirdos” he thought. Billy was surprisingly quiet, didn’t even make a peep. But for Steve, him staring instead of talking was worse. He wasn’t an animal in a zoo. Friday came and his throat hurt. When brushing his teeth he realized how bad it had gotten. His neck was literally swollen from his scratching. Ointment was put on and he sat in his bed. For a while he just stared at the closet door. If he kept scratching he would be reported to be self harming. Slowly he got up, and walked to the closet door. Looking through the lipglosses, he found the most clearest one he could find. It was slightly tinted but not enough to notice. He dabbed a little on his lips. And suddenly, his neck stopped itching. Shakily he put it in his pocket and went on his way. He got out of his car and realized that Billy was early, again. What was the guy doing? Waiting for a chick or something? He kept glancing at the blonde when passing, and they caught eyes. His breathe was stolen and he quickly looked away. He at least expected a little comment about him staring or acting weird but there was nothing. It was more scary than relieving he realized. The day went on and nobody said a single thing. Maybe his peers were so caught up in the valentines talk that they didn’t even notice him. It was a comforting thought. Basketball practice came and was quickly over, it was the first day he wasn’t knocked to the ground. Happiness was surfacing up, it truly was a good day. When he got in the locker room after practice he actually showered, humming with a smile. All the others except one were still in the shower rooms. He started getting dressed and Tommy was staring at him. As if he was waiting for something. Steve was annoyed, “Something you need Tommy?” The name was foreign, knew that this guy was barely even a friend. Bullied him every chance he got acting as if he didn’t hold his hand or flirt with him when they were younger. “Yeah. You look like you got something on your face.” His heart stopped. He played it off and looked into one of the mirrors, “Where?” He said, looking right at Tommy, made sure to make straight eye contact. He couldn’t back down, he couldn’t. The other smiled a shit eating smile. “As if you don’t know? I’ve known you since you were kids, don’t act like I don’t know that you like to play with girl toys.” Steve felt the fear. Felt the fear of the memory he had. No way, he was not letting this fucker get the best of him. “Oh really? You wanna say that when you wrote all those notes,” Tommy’s eyes got wide, the grin slowly turning down, “as if you didn’t try to hold my ha-“   
“The fuck is going on?”   
Billy Hargrove entered, it was the first time he actually heard him speak all this week. “Nothing.” Tommy said and walked past the two. Billy eyed Steve but Steve ignored it. After that Tommy shut his damn mouth. This was the first time, and he felt like he finally just finally fucking won. 

Weeks had passed, and he had gotten bolder. Started carrying two lipglosses around. School wasn’t as bad. Billy actually started being nice, well, sorta. Whenever Tommy made a comment towards him the blonde would bark a “Shut the fuck up dude.” And the guy did. One practice on Thursday he scored, and it felt fucking great. No one said a thing, maybe Billy was going easy on him for some reason but he didn’t care. It wasn’t the same as him being “King Steve” but it was okay. He was contempt with it if this was gonna be it. In the locker rooms after he scored, Billy was the second one out from the shower rooms other than himself. Blue eyes stared right at him. Feeling like it was almost the same way as Tommy had stared he let out a, “Yes?” The guy started stalking towards him. He contemplated on diving into the trash can and rolling himself out of there. Maybe the vents, he was half naked but maybe he could somehow manage to slip himself in there. The guy just passed him, but not without putting his hand on his shoulder and squeezing a little, “Good job.” He said, and continued to get dressed. Steve stared in amazement. What the fuck was up with him? His ears started burning and he felt his cheeks started to warm. Billy looked at him and smirked, “You look like a girl in love Harrington.” Steve turned away and scoffed a, “Oh shut up!” The blonde just let a throaty laughter, and it left him smiling as well. The warmth where his hand had been still remained. Maybe two weeks later he was getting a little careless, but it was normal for him to be that way. He actually grabbed lipstick instead of his go to lipstick at one point, and he did dab a little color on his lips when no one was in the boys bathroom. Valentines was coming up, and it was coming fast. He wish it didn’t have to be on a school day so he could just dwell alone in chocolate for himself all day. Him and Billy weren’t even close to friends, but whenever the Marlboro macho man brushed him slightly on the arm he felt his heart beat a little faster than normal. After practice on a Thursday he was already done with his shower as always. Billy started to be second to get out from the rest of them, so it was only them two. They didn’t talk just got dressed . Steve bent down to grab his shoes and a clatter was made. His pockets felt empty. “Oh fucking shit” He thought, turning to see the lipgloss start rolling away. It was slow motion in his mind, Hargrove started turning around and his heart was climbing its way up his throat. He gained inhuman speed and snatched that lipgloss so fast he got a little dizzy. Or maybe that was just the panic settling in. He got it right before the other turned around. Steve acted naturally and had his hand in his pocket while the other was fixing his hair. “Did you drop something?” Billy asked looking around. “Huh? No?” Steve said stupidly. He felt fucking stupid but he kept fixing his hair. He felt the blue eyes piercing through him, and he slowly met the others stare. His ears started burning again. Billy just grinned and continued getting ready. “Thank fucking god.” He mumbled when he got out of that situation.


	5. Chapter 5

Steve was lost. He had a full view of the ocean from a dingy little helicopter up above. It crashed it twisted but it was calm all at the same time, and he could practically feel the urge to jump in. This is what Billy’s eyes made him feel, it made him feel strange and he didn’t quite know why. The blonde hadn’t talked to him in awhile and Tommy started picking up the act of a hyena, only following others if they followed with him. He was a bull seeing red when he started getting knocked down on the gym floor again. What the fuck was this guys problem? For a few weeks he’s nice and then all of a sudden he decides to be an asshole again? It was hardly fair, but life wasn’t fair in general. He took it, but he made sure that Tommy remembered what he knew, what they both knew. If he couldn’t stop Billy from picking on him 24/7 he can at least make Tommy know his place. And it wasn’t with him.   
Monday when they were out on the court he was getting absolutely fucking obliterated, he kept getting his ass knocked down. At some point he wondered if his tail bone was even there anymore. He was trying to get the ball but Billy kept pressing up against his back, then calling him a pretty boy. Billy said that often, and this time it didn’t make him angry. It made him feel like he was a figure with nothing but butterflies inside of him. This distracted him, causing the coach to get his ugly ass ogre face into his. If the line “If looks could kill” was true, he was sure this ass would be dead on the floor by now. Yet there he was, round and all, still there.  
Still screaming. Finally Steve just walked away, felt like he could punch through ten thousand metal lockers with one of his fists. While the others were playing what was left of the twenty minutes, he was taking the hottest shower he could. Yeah, there might not be any hot water for the others but that was exactly the point. When he was done the boys were just getting in.   
“What the fuck did you do? Boil yourself?” Billy asked causing an eruption of laughter. His skin was blotchy red and it didn’t help with his light complexion. Jokes on them though, he used all the hot water. He just smirked and got ready, trying to dry his hair as fast as possible. When he heard the showers turn on and a, “What the hell!” he took off, laughing to himself.   
“Totally worth it.” He thought, then went to continue his day. It made him curious though, why was he feeling a certain way? Every time the other would touch or even look at him, he felt...strange. He couldn’t put his finger on what the feeling was. All day it was bicycling around his head, making patterns but missed the blanks. In class he fiddled with the lipgloss that was in his pocket. He took it out when he got home and looked at it. The small tube knew something he didn’t but what was it? It became late, and instead of doing school work he was still wondering, with his lipgloss being thrown up and down. His eyes began to steadily droop, having questions beyond questions behind his eyelids. There wasn’t an answer.

The shower rooms were different, instead of walls there were windows. Blurred windows that looked like someone had their heated breathe all over it to fog it up. He felt cold water drip down his back, yet he couldn’t remember when practice stopped. There was a mirror on the other side, and he realized he was showering with clothes on. He looked at his reflection, he was wearing a full face of makeup. “Pretty” he thought. “Pretty” came a low voice. He turned, and Billy Hargrove was standing under the showers. Something was different but he couldn’t tell what. “You’re a pretty boy .” Billy said, slowly walking over to him. The other looked like an angel with the sun coming in as a hazy glow. Was he dead? He blinked slow as a warm hand was placed on his shoulder. They were brought closer together and indistinctly he put his hands on the golden chest. Their lips were inches apart, closing in with slow motion.   
“You look like a girl in love Harrington” 

Steve shot up out of bed, his body felt warm, too warm. He tossed the blankets off in a panic. There was an urge to find out what was going on with himself. Why was he dreaming that? He wasn’t gay, he didn’t just like men. He liked girls too, what did that mean for him? Maybe there was a meaning or a name out there somewhere. He just didn’t know yet. His heart thumped and thumped, it felt as if it was trying to break free through his rib cage. Maybe it was. The sky was on the bridge of pink as the sun was coming up. Not wanting to go back to sleep, he went downstairs. For the first time ever he was going to try to make coffee. The coffee maker was pretty old, his dad barely used it anymore. The drink for his dad was now either whiskey or water. After a few attempts of trying to figure out where the coffee filter went, he finally made it. The coffee was pure black, and he started to wonder if that was normal. Coffee beans drifted across the house and it was nicer then he remembered as a kid. It was still hot, but he carefully took a small sip. His mouth puckered with the taste, maybe sugar would help. Seven table spoons of sugar later he got it to where it was bearable. Definitely not the best but it was something. He sat by the window, the sun was just breaking through. It felt warm, but not too warm. The cup sat empty now and he decided to go get ready. This time he chose a more pink color for his lips. Maybe someday he’d gain the confidence to wear a full face of makeup out one day. Someday. It was Valentines today, and he just noticed it on the calendar. With a couple of change in his pocket he bought less than a dozen lilies, and her favorite dark chocolate. “Lilies are my favorite!” His mother exclaimed as his toddler self waddled up to her. He remembered the fond look in her eyes when he told her he’d get her a lily garden. But his father, his father insisted she liked roses. Every time he got his mother lilies his father would scoff, “She doesn’t even like lilies.” Yeah, sure. He wanted to tell her that she was too good for him, she should leave. Staying with him wasn’t healthy, she barely even smiled around him anymore. He wanted to tell her he knew he was a disappointment, but he’s trying, he really is. He wants to tell her that he does appreciate every little thing she does for him. He wasn’t good at telling his feelings. So he instead put it on a note, then put it carefully in his moms vanity. He finished by putting the chocolate and lilies on top. Maybe she’d be home today. He wanted to tell her face to face how much he loves her and wishes that he was a good son. But he wasn’t, and he wasn’t a good boyfriend either. But, he was a good babysitter. He hoped his dad saw it, saw the gifts, knowing him he’d probably take his mom like a hawk to some fancy stupid ass cruise that they probably had already been on. Outside it was colder than the past few weeks. He remembered the only cold he just wanted his mom, wanted her to hold him again as he cries into her cold chest, with that same perfume wafting into his senses as his lips were rubbed bloody raw.   
Driving up to the school made some bile leap in his throat. He should’ve stayed home.   
“You’re fucking kidding me.”  
He mumbled as he pulled in the lot. Bright pink, red, and purple was all over the front of the school. They were hyping it up every Valentines, it was getting worse. Suddenly he was grouchy. The colors were too bright, they put up too many decorations, did they really have to put the word “love” everywhere? Slamming his car door shut, he made his way to the hell hole. His brows relaxed a bit, seeing Dustin and his friends so excited made the holiday a little bit more bearable. Just a little bit.   
Getting to his locker was like walking through forty stages of hell. There were girls gushing about every boy they could think of, but mainly all he heard was “I made Billy” or “I wonder if Billy has a valentines” Billy this and Billy that it was literally all he was hearing. Half the girls had their hair up so tight in pony tails that it was a wonder their scalp did not pop off. Even the passing teachers had a stupid heart pin on their shirts. When finally arriving at his destination he felt a boil, it itches under his skin. A bright red heart was taped to his locker. With gritted teeth he tore the shit off, making sure to ball it up and throw it away in the dumpster where all his other feelings could go as well. Not wanting to even grab his books now, he just traveled early to class and borrowed what he needed. His own chest kind of hurt, knowing he’d have to go back and see that empty blue space with no card or valentines. To hell with it, it can all absolutely definitely go to hell. The watering in his eyes said otherwise. Damn, he would’ve been happy with just one single Hershey’s kiss if that’s all he got. And as always, basketball was the worst. They weren’t even playing basketball, the coach had an “emergency” to take care of , (and Steve saw the donuts on his desk) so they all got to do basically whatever. Suddenly he felt vulnerable, and he slipped away to the locker room. What he was gonna do was take a nice warm shower with no interruptions. And there wasn’t. He felt calm, felt the water drip down his back, felt the anger run down with the water. When it was time to go he was already dried and dressed. Sitting under the blow dryers really helped fluffing up his hair. Billy kept glancing over at him as he put up his tennis shoes. Was he suppose to like, look back? Or was it a trap to get blamed a faggot? He didn’t look, even though his heart started beating rapidly and his palms got sweaty. It pulled at his skin, he wanted to just maybe take a quick look. But that’s what he wanted, not needed.   
“Steve.”  
He slowly looked up from tying his regular shoes back on. When someone called him he couldn’t ignore it, he was basically given permission to look.  
“Yes?”  
He could feel the heat rush to his ears. What was he going to say to him? He could hardly wait, maybe maybe there was chance. A sliver of a chance, but it was still there, still existing. Maybe Billy had started liking him too. Maybe Billy felt the butterflies as well.   
“Did you see what was in your locker?”  
His locker? Was that code word for something? He stared blankly, trying to figure out if there was some kind of deeper meaning to the question.   
“No,” he stood up straight and tried to calm himself, “but I can check after the bell rings.” The other just looked at him, but noticed that Tommy was doing it as well. Billy nodded his head and continued getting dressed. It was strange but maybe, maybe Billy put his number in his locker. The thought excited him. When the bell rung he casually walked out, but as soon as he was out of view in the crowd of kids, he practically ran someone over try to get to that glorious rectangle blue box that could hold a specific someone’s number.   
He got to it, quickly undoing his lock, and yanking it open. A perfect glittery red envelope was sitting on top of his books. This was straight out of a movie scene, he felt a smile begin to form on his face. It was pretty, kind of small, but pretty. The glitter didn’t come of when he rubbed his hand over it. It was so glittery and eye catching that he grabbed it and stuffed it in his pocket so no one else would see it. On the way to class he couldn’t help but slip into the boys bathroom. He had to find out what was in it. Hidden in a stall he shakily opened it, and a folded up piece of paper was taken out. A possible confession letter he thought while opening it. He scanned over the words, brow begin to furrow. He read it over and over. Scrawled out on the paper was, 

“Pretty color  
For   
A Pretty Boy”

What the hell? Was it talking about the color of the envelope? He felt around, soon discovering there was something more than a piece of paper. It was revealed itself as a thin red tube. A red lipgloss. Red lipgloss. It was red lipgloss. Was this a joke? Feeling scared he was about to open the stall, his hand right on the lock. A sudden slam of the bathroom door along with two guys laughing caused him to freeze. He couldn’t put the lipgloss somewhere without making noise. Silently he lifted his feet so they wouldn’t be seen. Listening to the voices made an icy cold sweat break out on his forehead. It was Billy, and Tommy.   
“Dude did you really put that in his locker?”  
“Well if he wants to be a girl might as well treat him like one.”   
They laughed,  
“Dude he is such a fag. He tried holding my hand when I was in like elementary school, sent me love notes all the time. I swore he was obsessed with me.”   
“Disgusting, would like to give the boy a lesson. He should know that gay shit won’t pass with me. I’ll knock him the fuck out.”   
“We should tell the group-“  
“No.”  
“Huh? Why?”   
“They already know. They don’t talk about it because it’s fuckin weird.”  
A grunt was responded and the sound of them splashing water echoed through the bathroom. The door slammed shut again as the they walked out. Steve could barely move. He tried standing up, but immediately hurled down to the toilet. His lunch rose up his throat and spilled out of his mouth. They knew, everyone fucking knew. And Tommy, that bastard reversed the story. It wasn’t him. Tears blurred his vision as he wiped his mouth. Pink came off his sleeves. Of course everyone knew now, they must’ve noticed but didn’t say anything. He had to get out of there. So when Steve showed up paler than usual and throwing up again of what was left in his stomach in the nurses office, they let him go home deemed as sick. Driving home made him want to lose control. Wanted him to drive straight into a car. The car ended up safe in the driveway. Another car was there as well. He stumbled in the house feeling a sense of doom and despair. A surprise it was to actually see his mother and father at the kitchen table. They both looked at him startled, not expecting him to get home early.   
“Honey?” His mom said with an eyebrow quirked. She tried to go towards him but he ran past her. Fat crocodile tears ran down his face as he gasped for breathe. Only his mom called out for him as he ran up the stairs. Those fucking bastards, they told everyone he just knew it. It felt like he wasn’t getting enough air and he kept trying to take large breathes but they became panicked and uneven. Realizing he was hyperventilating he curled on the floor beside the bed. The bones in his body shook, they shook so hard it felt that they may shatter into a billion pieces. His throat was so itchy, so fucking itchy. It would be better to die then live. It would be better to be somewhere in the eternal dark than to be forced to go to school where everyone fucking knew. They could and would violate him or beat him up so bad he wouldn’t be able to move. It was an ocean he was tossed into, he didn’t even get a say into it. Everyone else was normal, but he wasn’t. There was something wrong with him and they’d cheer if his head was put on a stake. He’d rather kill himself then letting someone else kill him first. Finding some kind of comfort in that thought he wrapped both his hands around his neck, and started to squeeze. His breathe was getting more rapid and short, but he still squeezed. Why was it him? Why couldn’t he just be fucking normal like the rest? The time was ticking and he put all his strength into it. The blood circulation was beginning to get cut off. Tears were still streaming down his face, it was a leak that wouldn’t stop.  
“Steve! Baby no!”   
His mother was screaming out just as he was seeing large black dots in his vision. She desperately tried prying his hands away from his throat.   
“Baby please don’t do this!” She started crying and screaming, “John! John he’s trying to choke himself!” He could hear an echo of words scrambled, stomps up the stairs. Waves were crashing on top of him, dragging him beneath. Yelling and crying but it sounded like he was underwater. The black dots grew in his vision until he couldn’t see anything anymore. He couldn’t feel a thing. Just numb, just floating underwater.


	6. Chapter 6

When he awoke he was on his bed, warm and tucked in. His vision was blurred slightly and he moved to rub his eyes. A shift on the mattress was felt, and he came to. She was there, eyes puffed red with this pitiful smile forced on her face. She put a hand to his head, as if checking for a fever. They sat there for awhile, in silence. It wasn’t awkward but at the same time it wasn’t comforting. It was just there. Then she asked. Asked why he did it. Tears were threatening to spill and his throat was painfully tight. Her eyes pleaded, pleaded for some kind of answer.   
“Mom..am I freak?”  
He finally looked up, into her wide eyes. Her mouth was agape in shock, in horror. The brows begin to forrow and she took his face in her porcelain hands.  
“Baby, baby no! Why? Did someone call you that? Are you getting bullied? I promise me and your dad will take care of it-we can get them kicked out-“  
Before she could finish his broken voice let out. It didn’t sound like him. It sounded like a scared little kid.  
“No mom, I just..I like boys. I like to wear makeup, it’s not right. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know how to fix it.”  
The face of rejection is what he expected, for his only parent figure to yank away her grasp from his face like he was a disease. A face reeking with flies and insecurities.  
But the hands stayed, with the thumb now caressing over his peach fuzz.  
“It’s not fixable, there’s nothing to fix. You’re normal honey, and people are scared. Scared that you have colored outside the lines. Don’t let them steal what you have.”   
He collapsed into her, feeling her arm tighten around him. Supporting him. They stayed like that for a long time. A painting, stuck in that position. No, not stuck, just still with the love of a mother. His dad walked in, with a frown on his face. Steve didn’t bother to peer out at him, just kept his eyes closed while his mother rubbed her fingers along his back. His dad cleared his throat, forcing them to both look up.  
“I Uh, I got some painkillers..and ice cream.”  
His dad looked uncomfortable, shifting from foot to foot. Honestly he couldn’t blame him, blame him for trying. His gravel voice came out,  
“Thanks dad.”  
It was the first time since he was kid that he called his dad..well, dad. It sounded unnatural, but it was his best. His best to soothe the worried crease in the older mans forehead. The hatred and had dwindled a tiny bit, enough to make progress. They talked about plans for the next few days. How to make the best decision for him. As he shoveled ice cream into his mouth, he almost choked when his dad said,  
“How about you take some days off of school?”  
Not only did he stare wide eyed, but his mom did to. His old man, never in his whole life since he was born, had let him take a day off of school. Let alone a couple. Steve could practically see his father grow grey hairs just by getting stared at. His mom slowly closed her mouth and look at him. They were now asking the same question. He stared down at the melting ice cream. Was it really for the best? It couldn’t hurt. But of course, his dad wouldn’t let him off that easy.   
“You’ll still have to do school work, but we can call them so you can just pick it up at the office.”  
At first he felt a little angry, angry that his father is making him go up there. Then he thought of how it was rare for his dad to even suggest something like this. He planned it all out in his head, he would get there super early, grab the papers, and get outta there. A small smile peered itself across his face.   
“I can work with that.”  
And he did. He absolutely took advantage of the gleaming opportunity. For the past week he got up early, nine o clock sharp, and grabbed his work. Then he would do whatever he wanted at the house. Mainly he worked on school, it kept his mind off of things. Kept his mind off of big blue eyes. Sometimes he would even clean, but after the first two days there was nothing else to polish or dust, or wash. His parent were home the whole time too, which was rare and he actually started to feel cared about. When he was done with his homework, he would go sit on the couch and watch tv with his mom and dad. His father was still an awful prick, still hated his guts, but a little less now. Because it did seem like he was trying, but didn’t know how to. Honestly it was odd, odd acting’s as if their family in its entirety wasn’t a mess. Tubs of ice cream was his main diet, and maybe some NyQuil syrup here and there. As the weekend got closer his stomachs began to twist. Twist into this undeniable knot that he was going to have to go back to school and face the boys in the locker room. To face the stares and the sneers and whispers. To face Billy Hargrove and that jackass of a smile probably smeared on to his face. Well if he was going to face everyone, he was doing it with makeup on.  
When Sunday came everything kinda went back to normal. His dad was off again and so was his mom, but they said goodbye this time with a tight hug at the door. His mother was a worried bird and gave him every phone number possible to contact them if there was trouble. After they left he planned, planned his outfit  
and his makeup. They were light, almost unnoticeable, except for that red lipgloss. That was going to stand out the most. But he didn’t care, if he was gonna die in the the filthy floors of the gym or the parking lot he was going to look good while taking his last breathe. And he did exactly as said.


	7. Chapter 7

Monday was a screeching tire wheel in his ear. As soon as his alarm went off he practically broke his back trying to get out of bed. He quickly shoveled a piece of toast in his mouth and took a shower. His moms hair dryer was taken from the bedroom and he used it. Looking at the time made his heart rate beat faster, and he hopped into his clothes. Now, the fun part. He got out the makeup and put face powder on, it felt soft and smooth. He felt like a fresh baby. The blush and eyeshadow was used very lightly, and he put a bit of mascara on his top eyelashes. Reaching for the tube made his fingers tremble slightly. He took a moment to look at it. The color was very pretty, and smiled a little because it was a big “fuck you” in the blonde jerks face. He’d do it in spite, but also for his passion for makeup.   
Driving to school was okay, his heart still pounded in his chest in anticipation. For a moment he had doubts, that maybe he could still turn around and wash the makeup off in time. The grip on his steering wheel tightened. Hell no. There was nothing wrong with him, people were just afraid. Afraid of something slightly different. His car wheels slowed to a stop, and he got out of the car. The air was chilly, it felt nice. It felt nice to see those stupid decorations stripped down. He practically felt like he was dancing on air, his footsteps were light and he felt the crisp breeze through his hair. It was an accomplishment to not even look into Billy fucking Hargroves way. Though he knew those eyes were staring at him, probably in shock. Or maybe they were just begging for him to look. But the air was too nice and the school building was waiting for him. Walking in the hallways wasn’t as bad as he thought, though a few people, such as his ex friends, were staring at him like bugs. He just imagined them with clown makeup on. There was nothing spray painted on his locker nor was there anything inside. Good. He’d like to keep it that way. Dustin practically tackled him, giving him a tight squeeze then punching him in the arm. The “where have you been!” As well as the “are you wearing makeup?” Question came along. It was kinda easy explaining and Dustin made sure to give a sharp glare to Billy on his way to class. The day went along, very slow and boring actually. Nothing really significant or exciting happened. That’s Monday for you. Gym came along, and he entered the locker room of doom. And some half naked guys. No one seem to notice but Tommy was there, he looked as if he wanted to say something smart. Something full of shit. He ignored it, and changed.   
Billy came in late, extremely late. The coach was beyond bewildered as well as angry. It was unusual for the other guy. Before the fat man could say a word the blonde shoved a note into his chest and got ready to play. Steve was ready, and he planted his feet. Every time a violent shove came he didn’t fall. If the force was too strong and he did fall, he just quickly got back up again. This seemed to frustrate the other as there was shove after shove until the coach had to physically bring Billy to the side and tell him to fucking quit his bullshit. He didn’t make a basket, not a single one, but he felt victory seize through him because his coach didn’t get on to him once.   
The practice was over, and instead of getting a shower he stood under the blow dryer to dry the sweat. It wasn’t abnormal, some of the guys did it often when it was cold. Getting ready was okay, he was worried his makeup had smeared though so he looked into the mirror. He realized that the lipgloss he had kinda faded. So he did what an absolute crazy guy asking for a death wish did. He pulled out the lipgloss and smeared the color on to his lips. Then as if nobody was watching, he put the tube back in his pocket and fluffed his hair up a bit.   
“Wow, are you a faggot Harrington?”  
Honestly he saw it coming, and the voice  
was so clear he could hear it in his brain. He turned around, and stood a couple of inches away from Tommy. A couple of guys were staring, half of them looked so confused it made him want to chuckle.   
“Why do you feel the need to know Tommy? You like me or something?”  
The freckled boy clenched his fist, more guys were starting to notice and looked to see what was going on,  
“No I’m straight, unlike you. Look at the makeup on your damn face, are you even seeing yourself right now?”  
Steve casually looked into the mirror, staring at his face for a couple of seconds then turned back to his opponent. Billy was studying him, seeing what was about to go down.   
“I know right, it’s such a pretty color, for a pretty boy, isn’t it?”   
The words felt so lovely to say as he saw Hargroves face turn into a grimace.   
“I should fucking knock you out-“  
“You’re, not, doing, fucking, anything Tommy.”   
Steve lightly shoved the bastard out of his way and continued out the door casually. As soon as he did the bell run and he made his way to his locker to get his books. He opened it, only to see a neatly folded up piece of paper on top if his  
things. Someone was watching him, he knows it because the hair on his arms slightly raised. He took the note and shoved it in his pocket, then continued to class like he had not a care in the world.   
Sitting at his desk, he opened the paper.

“I’m picking you up after eight on Friday,  
we need to talk.  
-Billy”

Steve could hardly believe what he was reading. Was this some kind of trick to get him jumped? The guy didn’t even know where he lived for gods sake. He rolled his eyes, and stuffed the note back. His heart ached a little, wanted it to be something more than just talking. Something more than staring and violent shoves. Who was he kidding though, this was Hargrove he was talking about. What an idiot, trying to pick him up when he didn’t even know where he lived. He got a piece of notebook paper out and put his address down. Tuesday at lunch time, he slipped the paper between the slits in the locker, which was actually kind of hard. He had to unfold the paper a couple of times so that it would fit. For a moment he wondered how the hell Billy even managed to get the envelope with the lipgloss in. Then thought that the blonde legit probably locked picked the combination somehow. What an ass.   
For the whole week all he could think about was Billy picking him up. Heat had spread to his ears imagining it was almost like a date, but really not. During basketball practice no one talked to him, but those blue eyes were staring, every move he made he could feel them searing into his soul. A couple of times he felt the urge to look, to just take a glimpse, but he refused. He wasn’t giving in that easily.  
Tommy was quite after Monday, and he could tell why by the black eye that was forming.   
When Friday came he could feel his this weird chill all over his body. He was nervous he had to admit. When he got out of his car he immediately noticed that Billy wasn’t there, was he late again maybe? The whole time he was looking, looking for any sign of the golden hue or the girls looking in his direction. But he wasn’t there. Not even in basketball. His heart sank, if he wasn’t there, was he even going to be there to pick him up? Immediately he pushed that to the back of his head, that was the last thing he should even care about.   
When six rolled around he took a shower. He rummaged through his closet, he knew it wasn’t a date, couldn’t be, but he wanted to look nice. Frustration grew as he felt like there was nothing to wear. He felt a little understanding about how girls felt now. Finally, he found a pair of nice jeans and a red shirt. It wasn’t those bright red colors, it was toned down. He checked himself out in the mirror, adjusting anything he saw noticeable. Before he knew it seven thirty rolled around. The hair on top of his head was being great, not a stray hair in sight and he didn’t even have to put hairspray in. The next thing was makeup. This time he basically bathed his face in powder. He found a couple of small brushes in his moms vanity, and assumed they were small enough to use for his eyelids. A bit of brown sparkle was easily applied, much easier than using his finger he found. Blush was lightly smoothed on, but enough to tell he was wearing blush. Applying mascara was done to his top and bottom lashes. He looked at himself in the mirror, noticing how long his eyelashes were really are. Then he got that red lipgloss, and felt the happiness tingle across his lips. A horn was heard right outside his house, and he jumped up. He quickly sprayed some cologne in the air then jumped into it. Frantically he stumbled down the stairs and stopped at the door to compose himself. Another blaring horn came and he breathed in and out, then opened the door. The headlights were making him blind, but he didn’t flinch away. Instead he locked the door behind him and put the keys under the mat. He got into the passenger side, immediately noticing how nice Billy looked. A black unbuttoned shirt and his curls were framed around his face. The earring he usually wore practically glimmered. Not only did he notice that, but he noticed the spicy cologne and cigarette smell. They were speeding down a road, and he had absolutely no idea if he should be scared or not.   
“So, uh, what do you want to talk about with me?”   
His voice sounded unsure and he hated it.   
“I’m taking you to dinner.”  
Steve wasn’t sure if he heard that right. Then he furrowed his brows,   
“That’s not what I ask-“  
“I’m taking you to dinner.”  
Billy looked over at him, and it took his breath away. The way the street lamps hit the window and shone on the skin made his lips quiver. Quickly he looked away,   
“Alrighty then captain.”  
He could see out of the corner of his eye that the other flashed a quick toothy smile. They arrived at this shake and burger place. It had barely any people in it except for a few elderly couples in private booths. Honestly he felt his heart trying to break out of his rib cage, this, this was literally a date. He slid into one of the booths, and almost died when Billy slid right next to him.   
“What’d ya want?”  
Steve was a little confused, his eyes big.  
The blonde turned to him nonchalantly,  
“Bambi, you in there?”   
He then tapped on Steve’s head lightly.   
Steve was startled and felt that stupid blush crawl up his ears,   
“Oh I’ll just get like the largest fries they got. And a strawberry milkshake. Also Bambi? Where did you get that name from?”  
Hargrove smiled,  
“You got them big doe eyes, they remind me of Bambi. You always look like your staring into headlights.”  
Steve smiled,   
“Your eyes remind me of a sharks.”  
Billy gasped almost looking offended, but then flashed his toothy little grin,  
“Am I cute shark?”  
He couldn’t help feel laughter rise in his throat, and he shoved the blonde almost knocking him out of the booth. Revenge was given when he was jabbed in the side.  
They ordered and surprisingly talked like they were old friends. Their favorite movies were told, what they would bring in a zombie apocalypse, there were just so many questions that were asked then answered then repeated. When they were done they went outside and sat in the car. First it was just normal conversation then Steve couldn’t help but ask,   
“Billy, what did you want to talk about?”  
The other averted his gaze, almost as if it wasn’t something he should say.  
“Well I was wondering, if you heard what I said in the bathroom.”  
Steve felt a sharp pain in his chest, just the memory knocked down his confidence and he wanted to cry. But he breathed in and out through his nose.  
“Yeah. I did.”  
Hargrove was now looking at him, and it was his turn to avoid eye contact.   
“Look I know it sounds bad but I swear I was trying to protect you.”  
Steve snapped his head and almost sneered,  
“Protect me from what!? You literally told everyone you knew! People are looking at me like a freak!”  
Billy was getting angry,  
“You’re not listening to me-“  
“I don’t need to listen to you! What do you want from me Billy?”   
Silence filled the air and it hurt him so bad, it hurt that this motherfucker couldn’t even say anything.   
“I’m leaving.”  
He opened the car door and started walking away. He was so done. This was just a game to a cat. He heard footsteps in gravel and all of a sudden his arm was grabbed.  
“Please.”  
Steve looked at him in the eyes.   
“Look I really like you and I don’t even know if you even like me back. I put the lipgloss in your locker because I saw your makeup. I saw your lipgloss fall out of your pocket. Tommy caught me so I had to make this bullshit excuse, and I’m sorry!”  
Steve blinked then blinked again, and again. His eyelashes fluttered to stop it but the tears started flowing. Billy’s face had a carved frown, but as the hand was reaching for his face, it slowly dropped.  
“Do you really like me?”   
Steve whispered, still trying to contain his tears.  
“Of course I do, I thought I made it obvious.”  
“When you mean obvious do you mean the shoving at basketball practice?”  
“Well..”  
“Just so you know you left my ass sore for days.”  
Billy chuckled and rubbed his neck,  
“Yeah that, probably wasn’t the best.”  
Steve felt his heart floating, felt the tears quickly drying.   
“Also wanted to ask you, why does Tommy have that black eye?”  
Billy had a poker face,  
“That wasn’t me.”  
Steve squinted,  
“You’re such a liar!”  
They laughed and then silently looked at each other. There was a pause, and Steve was expecting the thing he had been wanting ever since the day he figured it out.  
“I think I should take you home.”  
Hargrove said looking at the car, and Steve felt his hope droop. Wished that the blonde would have kisses him. He couldn’t help but feel foolish and followed into the car. The car ride back was pretty silent, except for quiet breathing. Occasional glances were thrown each others way, but there was nothing said.  
They got into the driveway and Billy turned off the headlights, making sure to walk Steve to the door. As if anybody was going to be out this late. He got the keys from under the mat and waited a bit, just to see. He figured that nothing was going to happen and he sighed,   
“Well, thank you, for taking me out I mean.”  
He didn’t hear anything so he looked up. Billy put his hand on Steve’s waist, bringing them in closer. He could smell the cigarettes from the lips mere centimeters away from his. The space that was left had slowly closed between them. The heart in his chest exploded into fireworks and he swore he could see colors flashing in his eyes. He wrapped his arm around the others neck. It was getting so chilly and he felt Billy’s warmth radiating off of him and into the bubble they were sharing. It felt like he was floating off the ground, he felt that his body had been punched straight into heaven. Their lips parted and they paused to take a breathe of air.   
“Let me stay the night.”  
And how could Steve say no to that?


End file.
